Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Trump is going to target known criminals in the country illegally for deportation. The Democrats have vowed to fight him every step of the way. Don't they understand this is one of the issues that cost them the white house, the house and senate?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

You are like me, then.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Why do I have the impression that almost all questions about advertising the flat Earth theory come from people who don't believe in a flat Earth themselves and are just provoking?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Be who you already are.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

What one thing makes someone a very mature person?

It’s here now, writing to you.

The sadness was still there.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

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You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

It’s still here.

Do you enjoy cheating on your spouse? If so, why?

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

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I was tired of fighting.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

And the sadness?

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I had run out of hope.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Should I have left it alone and kept quiet? I came out as gay to my adult kids last week. Age 61 married 15 years, divorced for 20. I feel so guilty for ruining their lives by living a lie.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Why does Rahul Gandhi have so many haters?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.